Zombie Flash Fiction Competition: I Was Dead, But Now I’m Gay

My love of zombies comes from a very real fear that one day the zombie apocalypse will indeed happen. No joke you guys, I spend wayy too much of my time thinking about that day. Ya know, things like where I’ll be and where my family will be. How I will get them and myself out while gathering the necessary items that will ensure our survival….just until I know for sure that we’ve gathered enough people and made enough alliances to start eradicating zombies. And then we’ll rebuild civilization. Escape. Exterminate. Rebuilt. That’s my plan. One could call me paranoid. Oh well.

Anywho. When I heard about this flash fiction contest I jumped at it. Sounded very exciting and, while I toyed with the idea of creating something new, I scrapped that idea when procrastination got the better of me. And now here it is Sunday night and my entry is due tomorrow before noon. And so, I went through all my old folders of books and short stories that I had started (not finished, mind you) oh-so long ago to pull out a little smidget of a short story called, I Was Dead, But Now I’m Gay. Like the title? I do!

I had had a very long convo with one of my English teachers and for some reason we got to talking about Haiti…and she mentioned something about how they can make zombies…something about zombie powder. And so I got the idea to write a book about that and this is an excerpt from said book.

Also, details of this Zombie Flash Fiction Competition, run by the fantastic Holly Kench (Twitter), are below! 😀 YAY!


The Rules:

1. Write a story in under 250 words. This is an absolute maximum, but there is no minimum. If you can write the perfect story in 50 words, do it. I’ll even accept a Haiku if it really rocks my socks off!

2. The story must contain zombies, or references to zombies.

3. (And this is the kicker) The story must be humorous. Whether it’s dry, dark, satirical, laugh out loud, hyperbolic, farcical, or screwball humour, I leave it up to you, but it must be, in your opinion and for whatever reason, funny.

4.  You can enter your story in a few ways:

– Share your story in the comments section of this post,

– Share your story on your own blog and link here in the comments or by adding your details to the Linky tool at the end of this post,

– Post your story to the Confessions of a Stuffed Olive Facebook page.


The Prizes:

In Fabula Divino

You mean other than the admiration of all the Blogosphere, Twittersphere and Facebookosphere?

The winning story will be published on my blog and illustrated by your very own Olive! The winner will also receive an ebook copy of the In Fabula-Divino anthology which includes my short story “The Secret Life of a Zombie Fan” and is scheduled for release next week!

The competition opens NOW and closes on Monday (11th March) at midday just in time for the In Fabula-Divino  launch.


Alrighty, here we go.


I couldn’t stand the taste of blood. It was metal and salt, thin as water yet thick as molasses. And once you dive past skin and muscle and reached to the internal organs and the softer insides… Once you tore at that the taste, even the smell, got worse, grittier… And yet, here I was, splattered in a red, sticky mess, addicted to it. My rotting eyeballs could have rolled in my skull as my hands greedily peeling back the milky skin of the ample bosom of my victim.

I wanted to stop, and a part of me, the part still able to form cohesive thought, nagged at me to pull back, to run as fast as my legs would carry me. But as I sat back and admired my own work, as I let my eyes trail longingly over her dismembered and disfigured body, saliva pooled in my mouth. I had to devour her.

Decaying, smelling of death, I was an animal driven by taboo obsession, hunger, and desire brought on by the night and the unequivocal draw of the mirror image of my own female anatomy. I was so contented with my kill that I delighted myself with tweaking and slapping her fleshy left tit before covering it with my mouth. I sunk my teeth in for a mouth-watering bite, gnawing on her breasts. I bit them down, swallowing mouthful after mouthful until my teeth clanked against her breast bone.

She was delectable. 

245 Words

One thought on “Zombie Flash Fiction Competition: I Was Dead, But Now I’m Gay

  1. EEEEEEEWWWWWWW! So gory! Hehe.
    Delectable is one of my all time favourite words, by the way… I’m not sure how I feel about it being used to describe eating human flesh! 😉
    Thank you for entering.
    PS. I don’t think you’re paranoid. Clearly we’re like-minded.
    …Come the apocalypse we’ll see who’s paranoid!

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